Writing About You
by Hollyenders
Summary: "Getting your feelings out will really help you, Will. I know that you won't share them with me, but maybe, writing them down will be helpful." My counselor said. So here I am, writing about you. I wish it didn't hurt so much.
1. It Hurts To Write

_I have been writing this story for awhile so enjoy. This story is rated K but maybe turn rated M. _

_Will's POV _

_My counselor instructed me to start writing in this journal. I don't know what she expects to come out of this, really. But she told me, "Getting your feelings out will really help you, Will. I know that you won't share them with me, but maybe, writing them down will be helpful. And Will, be honest to yourself. _

_I swear I won't read it." She is a nice lady, she really is. Just sometimes I wished that she would go away and stop trying to sort my problems out. So, if you lied Mrs. Franklin and you actually are reading this: Just leave me alone. _

_After seeing so many counselors you start feeling like you have more problems than what you started with. I feel like all of these problems could be fixed if I could just be alone. But for some reason, they all think that's the worst thing for me. _

_I feel like a four year old, being watched carefully in case I mess something up. Why am I even writing in this thing? It seems almost pointless._

"William! Will!" I heard my mom shuffle up the stairs until she appeared in my door frame, "Oh, Will! There you are. I thought you would be downstairs. I didn't expect you to be in your room...alone. Why are you up here?"

I closed the black journal and set my pen on top of it, "I was doing homework. I've only been up here for a few minutes." I explained, standing up from my desk and walking past her, "But I'll come back down stairs."

"I'm just looking after you, sweetie. How was your session with Mrs. Franklin ?" She asked, following me down the stairs closely.

Let's see. She stared at me blankly for ten minutes waiting for me to talk, then she proceeded to write down notes of who knows what in her notepad. Then she asked me all sorts of 'heart-tugging' questions. Even though they were really stupid, she had the damn nerve to ask me about my hobbies.

I know that's dumb but I know the way these people think. She thinks that if she can make me open up one one little subject that I will spill my guts to her. But, I'm not down for that. No thank you.

"Oh, it was great." I smiled sarcastically, she always got mad when I did this after a session, "I really found like I've learned something. Who knows?

Maybe next time she will perscribe me drugs to knock all of the craziness out. I can be normal, just like you wanted."

"Will. You are not crazy, you know I don't think that, right?" She asked, extending her arm out to lay on my shoulder.

"Just because there have been problems in the past doesn't mean we can't fix the future together."

_There were multiple things I wanted to say right now._

_1. Which parenting book did you get that line out of?_

_2. Thanks for suddenly trying to become mom of the year, too late._

_3. You don't know anything about my future, please stop trying to mess with it._

"Yeah, of course." I mumbled, learning that any of my thoughts would just get me no where. I learned that to please my mom, I just needed to say what she wanted to hear. Same with the counselors, just say what is expected_._

"I'm glad, Will. You know what? I think Mrs. Franklin is doing good for you! We might have to keep her." She smiled, probably feeling like she was the most accomplished mother. "Do you want a snack? I think you should have a snack."

_July 11, 2012_

I had to spend all night watching movies with mom. If I see one more romantic comedy I might just vomit. But, she looked at it as, "Quality bonding" time. Oh yeah, nothing more quality than watching movies together. But, I didn't mind, as long as I don't have to talk to her.

I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be writing in this journal. Mrs. Franklin said I should write my story but I don't know if I really want to bring it up.

But seeing as how this journal is my only friend at the moment, I feel like I should explain something to it.

_Name: William Horton._

_Age: 17_

_Is that good enough? Probably not. I feel like writing my feelings in this is so pointless. You want to know what I feel right now? Stupid_.

_July 13, 2012_

_Mrs. Franklin asked how my journal was going. I told her, _

_"Funny story. I haven't exactly been writing every day." She asked why not, "What's to write about when nothing happens?" I responded. She gave me the most unsettling look, "Will, I told you. You need to write out what happened._

_"Maybe I don't want to? Has she ever thought of that?_

_ Not even this journal wants to hear this story_.

_ July 14, 2012_

_I'm finding it impossible to sleep. You know, some things just refuse to leave your mind. Somethings just hurt too much to remember. Somethings just suck._

_I said that I would never bring him up, but, damn, he won't leave my mind. My mind is being eaten up by this whirlwind of love, lies, and regret. For some reason I actually want to bring him up, for some reason I feel like I'm going to drown if I don't._

_I'll write about him tomorrow, I've said too much today_.

_July 15, 2012_

Mom went to the store, it took me so fucking long to convince her to just leave me alone. All I want is to be left alone! Finally. I guess this will buy me sometime to start writing about this. It won't all fit in the time frame that I have right now.

_So, I'll just start from the beginning. The first day I ever laid eyes on Sonny Kiriakis. _

_ It was the first of the summer, 2011. I had just finished junior year and I was heading home to start my summer off right: watching tv and eating. I didn't expect to see a moving van blocking the view of my house when I got home, it was parked in the neighbors yard. A guy and a lady carried boxes to their new house, talking about the weather here._

_"I fucking hate it!" I remember him yelling, walking out of the house with the door being slammed behind him. I still remember what he was wearing, I still remember the look on his face when he saw me._

_He wore black jeans, a white v-neck followed with a black hoodie. His sneakers looked beat up but they had multi-colored shoe laces on top of them. He was tall. _

_Everything about him looked beautiful to me, I knew I wanted him right then and there. God, then those brown eyes looked in my direction. I remember I was halted in the middle of the sidewalk, mesmerized by him. I looked like such an idiot, he always let me know I did too._

_"Sonny, get over it! We love this house and we read on the internet this is a great place to live. So, unless you plan on moving out today, you just keep quiet." His mother spat at him, handing him a box. He glanced down at the box with this look of hate for his mother, then looked back at me with a flashing smile_.

_I don't think I can write anymore today. This is all too much_.

I closed the book in front of me, knowing that I probably messed up the ink with my tears. God, I should've never thought about him. I was getting better, I know it.

But now, here I am, crying. I moved the journal away from me and stomped to my closet, reaching in the back and pulling out the black hoodie that I had just mentioned.

It still smelt like him. I pulled my shirt off my body and quickly pulled the sweater on, feeling as the oversized hoodie dangled over my body. The bottom of the hoodie fell down past my waist as the arms fell past my hands. I crashed to the floor as my emotions took a hold over me.

I can't handle this. Tears jerked from the back of my eyes as his scent cradled me. I'm so stupid, I'm so stupid! Why did I do this? My tears fell into the sleeves, instantly making me want to cry harder for tainting his sweater. I pulled it close to me hugging myself around my waist, I am such an idiot.

_Feb_/_1_. _Later_ _today_, _Thanks_ _for_ _reading_


	2. Not Happy All The Time

**_Leave a review, or a follow. Enjoy_**

_**Will's POV**_

**_July 16, 2012_**

_My mom found me crying on the floor when she got home the other day. She was upset. But I felt almost lifeless in his clothes, I didn't want to move. I wanted to go and get him, I wanted him to be with me. I wanted everything we had to magically come back._

_ I finally took the hoodie off, forcing myself to hang it back in the closet. I think I cried harder trying to place it back in it's spot. The spot next to many other items that reminded me. _

_All of the items I couldn't let go of._

_J__**uly 19, 2012**_

_As much as it hurt writing about him last time. I feel like something inside of me is yelling to want to release what happened._

_A few days after first seeing Sonny, I decided to take my dog on a walk. I wasn't expected in to running into the boy. I didn't really run into him though, it was more like I saw him sitting lonely on a swing at the park and I couldn't help but go over to him. _

_He looked sad. I remember thinking about how much beauty still remained in his sad face. God, he was gorgeous. I'm getting off track._

_"Are you alright?" I asked, letting my dog run free. I took the swing next to him and began to move in a small motion. I remember thinking about how the breeze felt against my face, it was so refreshing._

_When his voice spoke, I thought an angel was speaking to me. I know it was cheesy to think that, but if you heard it, you might think so as well. _

_"If feeling like absolute shit is alright, then I'm wonderful. _

_Are you alright?" I remember feeling so mesmerized by his words, he spoke as if he thought out every word for hours._

_"Why do you feel like shit? Is it because you moved here? It's not that bad, I swear." I replied, trying to make conversation with the strange boy. His face shifted and looked over at me, nearly making me want to pass out. _

_I thought he was beautiful from afar, but seeing him up close was enough to make me want to die. He was the most flawless boy I had ever seen, I had decided then that he was going to be mine._

_"Not because I moved here. Although, this town looks as if it's set in the middle of cemetery. Is it always so damn gloomy here?"_

_"Most of the time, the sun never makes its way past the grey clouds. But, there's one perk."_

_He grinned at me, nearly making my heart beat out of my chest. "Oh yeah, what's that?"_

_"You never have to worry about buying sun block."_

_Oh, then he laughed the most sweetest laugh I had ever heard._

I shut the journal, I can't stand bringing up these memories.

I went to my window and stared up at the sky, just like I had written, grey clouds blocked out the sun. That always made Sonny so angry. "One damn day, it will be sunny!

And on that day I vow to you that I'm going to get burnt as fuck! Let me burn in happiness, Will!" He would tell me, laughing about how dramatic he was. It never got sunny though, besides one day. The worst day.

I took a deep breath and looked down at my yard, then dared myself to look at the empty house next door. The house looked lifeless, at least when I knew he was there it gave me something to smile about. Now, the grass grew high and the 'For Sale' sign in the front of the yard mimicked me.

"William!" My mother called.

_**July**__**20**__, __**2012**_

_"So, what are you sad about then?" I asked as we walked back to the direction of our houses. I should of known then that the love of my life was standing right next to me._

_"I'm just sad. Why does the world look at that as the worst feeling you can have?" He spoke, " Being sad is only part of being a human being. Not all of have the need to be happy. Sadness is happy too. They tell you to not be sad, but what else is there to be?"_

_"What's wrong with being happy?"_

_"Nothing. Nothing's wrong with being happy. You can't be truly happy until you have been sad though."_

_"Being sad is depressing."_

_"Being sad is being real." He said to me, staring down at his feet_.

_"But… being sad hurts."_

_"Then you know that whatever you are being sad about meant a lot to you. Listen, I don't even know your name, but I know that this subject gets to you. You don't want to be sad. But, I do."_

_"Why?" I paused my walking, "Why would you want to be sad?"_

_"Being sad is real. I've explained this, keep up. Don't worry about me though. Being sad isn't bad to me, I'm not crying am I? No, I'm just taking some time to be sad. It's okay to not be happy all the time."_

_Ugh. Why did he say this to me? Why? Maybe I shouldn't be writing this down. It always ends with me feeling like shit or with tears streaming down my face. It hurts._

**_July 21, 2012_**

_My counselor is proud of me, she flipped through the pages of my journal and noticed writing. She said she swore wouldn't read it though. I believe her. I said a few words to her today, she was surprised. She asked if the writing has been helping, I told her no. It kept bringing back all of the memories that I wanted gone_.

_Where did I leave off?_

_Ah, walking home._

_"What's your name?" He asked me, changing the subject. I know he didn't want to talk about being sad. As much as he played this sad thing off, as being normal, I knew he was hurting inside. You could tell by the look on his face._

_"William, but please, just call me Will. One more time my mother yells 'William' and I might explode. What's your name?"_

_"Sonny." He replied, staring up at our houses. "It was nice to meet you, Sonny."_

_"Wait," I made him pause from moving any closer to his house, "Do you want to come over?" I remember checking to see if my parents cars were in the driveway. They weren't._

_"For what?" He asked._

_"To get to know each other, we could just hang out." I suggested_.

_"Why on earth you would want to know anything about me is puzzling." He said, "But okay, it beats going to my room_."

Thinking back to this day makes me cringe, makes me want to yell and scream. Everything that popped back in to my head was making me want to fall to the floor and rip my lungs out. I don't know how it hurts so bad, or how to stop it.

If Sonny was next door, he would come over and tell me to stop being so stupid. "Beautiful eyes shouldn't cry." Is exactly what he would say, then would kiss me before I could argue.

He always had this double standard where he was allowed to be sad, but I wasn't. He said that when I was sad his whole entire world stopped.

His world would be gone if he saw me now. I tried to sit up and be happy, I really tried.

_**Next**__**Update**__: __**Feb**__/2__**.**__**Thanks**__**for**__**reading**_


	3. Your Lips With Mine

**_Thanks for great support. Enjoy_**

_Will's POV _

**_July 22, 2012_**

_We went to my room that day, casually talking about where he came from. He moved from a city on the other side of the States, where it was bright and beautiful. He talked about the weather like it was the most gorgeous thing to be in. _

_He always had a love for mother nature, but prefered it when it wasn't gloomy. He told me that where he came from he had a small group of wonderful friends who all had the same interests. I told him I didn't have any. That was kind of a shock to him, so he made me explain why. _

_People here have never wanted to be friends with me, I always keep to myself. They definitely don't want to be friends now._

_He walked around my room, giving me crap about how neat it was. I understood why when I first went to his house, he was so messy. I sat down on my bed and watched as his eyes wandered through my belongings. I remember staring at his muscular back, wishing that I could just touch it for a moment. _

_I wanted to spring forward and cling inside of his arms. I felt awkward feeling this way. I had just met him. But, Sonny told me that we were fate. He told me that 'we were made with a piece of our hearts missing. The pieces weren't found until we laid eyes on each other.'_

_He had such a way with words._

_July 23, 2012_

_My mom was crying today. I knew why._

_As much as she hated him, she never wanted him to leave. She blamed me and I knew it. That's why she tried to hide whenever she was crying._

_She wanted my step-dad EJ back._

**_July 24, 2012_**

_We had been friends for almost two weeks. There was definitely tension between us. Mainly, on my part. I would try to touch him every chance I got. Whether it be a light touch on the hand, or a hug when we greeted. I just wanted to feel his warmth. _

_I nearly melted every time his brown eyes would stare at me, then burst into laughter. He was complicated. One minute I would find him happy as could be but in the next moment he would be in a stage of depression._

_"How can I help you when you're sad?" I asked one day._

_ "You don't need to help me."_

_"I want to help you."_

_He would stare over at me from his spot on his bed, then smile, "Just be here with me."_

_"That obviously doesn't help all the time," I responded, "You're sad right now, what's bothering you?"_

_"Your Step-dad is bothering me."_

_I was so shook up by this, I didn't understand what he was saying._

_"I can hear him you know, when my window is open in the middle of the night. I can hear him yelling at you, I can hear him screaming at your mom," He spoke to me in a soft voice, "I hear it all. It's not true, the things he says to you. None of them are. I hear him call you stupid and worthless, but I know you aren't."_

_I remember instantly feeling mad, "Stop."_

_I didn't want him to talk about this like he knew it all. I thought that he was just being a jerk, trying to come between my family business._

_"You aren't stupid like he says. You're amazing. If he can't see that he is damn sure blind. Don't let him hurt you like that."_

_"They're just words, they aren't that bad." I mumbled. I was sitting on the edge of his bed at the time. Oh, the things I would do to be sitting there again._

_"They hurt you, I can tell." I recall my nose being filled with his scent as he moved closer to me, "You're really fragile, Will. _

_It scares me sometimes, I'm afraid a mosquito will land on you one day and you will break." He made me laugh, "Sometimes I feel like I was sent to protect you."_

_"Sent by who?" I gave him a stare like he was insane_.

_"By whoever created us, by fate, she had to send me here."_

_"That's silly." I laughed at his crazy idea._

_"Laugh all you want, but, I know I'm supposed to be here." He smiled for a moment but then fell back to his glum look._

**_July 25, 2012_**

_Writing has become easier. I'm starting to actually like Mrs. Franklin. I still don't talk to her but she has good ideas. Writing is hard, but it gives me somewhere to think about him. _

_Sometimes I just wish I had a better place to write, somewhere I could feel him. Somewhere I could feel his presence. Sometimes I wished that I could just pick up a phone and call him. I wish I could call him. If I said that to my mom, she would probably be beyond angry_.

I shut my journal and walked to the back of my room, pulling a small box out from behind a book. I felt pain as I opened it, staring at the note. "You are always welcome here, love."

His house key was plastered beneath the note, it's silver color nearly blinded my eyes. I couldn't believe I was going to do this. I haven't been over there since the day my life got royally fucked.

The key still fit perfectly inside of the door, I clutched on to the journal like it was the only thing keeping me from falling. I looked around to make sure no neighbors were watching, then opened the door and invited myself inside. While though it was empty, I could still see all of the furniture clearly.

I could see through my eyes, the sofas in the living room facing toward the tv. I could also see him sitting on the sofa, staring at me with his bright eyes. I think my memories are going to be the death of me.

I fell to the floor, I couldn't even make it up to his room. The carpet comforted my skin. I felt like I was suffocating, tears strung down my face.

_**July 25, 2012 **_

I'm in his house. In his living room. The lights are off, but the little light streaming through the window is just enough to see what I'm writing. God, it hurts being in here. No one can ever understand this pain. No one should ever have to go through this pain.

I can feel him here in my memories. I can see all of the kisses we shared, all the crying we did, all the arguments that led to sex. I can see all of that. But, I'm getting ahead of myself. I haven't even explained how we had our first kiss.

_The night he brought up my dad, he asked me to spend the night with him. He refused for me to sleep on the floor though. He said I must sleep in bed with him, I was perfectly okay with this. We spent the entire night talking about the world. He had the most amazing views on it._

_"You know I have feelings for you, right?" He asked like it was the most casual topic in the world. How he stayed calm during this was still beyond me. I could feel my heart beating faster._

_"I didn't know that…"_

_"I know, you are so damn clueless. But I'm not. I know you have feelings for me, too."_

_"How do you know?" I tried to keep my eyes on the dark ceiling, even though I could feel his eyes next to me. The blankets shifted as he came even closer._

_"Because, I know you. I constantly catch you staring at me with nothing but love in your eyes. There has been so many times when I just wanted to kiss you. But, I wasn't sure until now._"

_"What makes you so sure?"_

_ "Kiss me."_

_"What? That didn't answer the question.."_

_"Just kiss me, loser. I don't need to answer to know."_

_I tried to keep myself from looking at him, I was so scared. "I've never kissed anyone."_

_"I know. I want you to kiss me, do something that feels right. Will, stop thinking about it and just kiss me." He knew me too well. I always over-thought everything, so, I listened to him._

_All I did was turn my body to the side and by some magical force my lips were on his. The passion of our first kiss is indescribable, I couldn't even try_.

I closed my eyes and pressed my finger to my lips. I would do anything for one of his kisses now. I very shakingly stood up, knowing I should leave before my mom finds me over here. She would be so angry, she would think I was making no progress.

_**July 26, 2012**_

_The way he held me the night of our kiss made me feel so special. His arm was securely wrapped around my stomach, holding me tightly. I kept my eyes close but my mind wouldn't let me sleep. Being so close to him made me want to scream and shout for joy. I was so beyond happy and I knew he was too._

_I had to go see Mrs. Franklin today. She said that I looked like I had been sleeping better. She was probably right. As dumb as I thought this journal was, it was helping a lot. She gave me a new assignment. She said to pull one item from him from where ever I was hiding it, and to write about it._

_So here I am. I almost had a breakdown trying to reach for it, but I grabbed a hold of an empty flask._

_Our first fight. We had been dating for almost three weeks and things couldn't be any better. He was my Mr. Right and I even knew it then. One day while his parents were gone he decided to invite me over but not until after he had drank out of his parents liquor cabinet. He said that he was sad. By this point I had figured out he had problems with depression. He was happy one moment but the moment he let his thoughts wander alone, he would fall into a pit of sadness and hatred for himself. I hated seeing him like this._

_He was drunk and crying when I came over. He was laying face down on his bed, I could hear the sniffles releasing him._

_"Baby, shh." I ran up to him and held him closely. He moved so that he was wrapped in my arms._

_He quickly backed away, "Go home."_

_I stared at him like he was insane. "No way."_

_He became angry, "William, just go the hell home." The tears were still stained on his cheeks._

_I stayed calm, knowing he was drunk and upset. "No."_

_"Will! I don't want you here." He stood up, almost falling over. I quickly stood in held him up, "I'm not going home."_

_He fell back down to the bed and began bawling, it almost made me sick watching him upset. I pulled his face into my lap, he started to calm down._

_I remember what he said to me that night so perfectly, sometimes it haunts me. "Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped. Trapped here. Trapped in this world_.

_My mind tells me these things about how I need to leave, how I have nothing for me here. But then. My heart is stuck to you. I can feel it connecting with you everytime we touch. I get this feeling only one could dream of. I love you Will. But sometimes my mind and my heart gets in a battle. I never know which one is going to win. I remember distinctly, brushing the tears away from his face and softly kissing his cheek. "I love you too, Sonny_."

_I need him back_.

_Thanks for reading. Next Update: Soon_


	4. That Damn Teddy Bear

**_Got alittle teary eyed writting this. Hope your enjoying_**

_Will's POV _

_J__**uly 27, 2012**_

_Without him I feel like I'm in this empty space where all I can do is casually float past. I feel like all of my feelings have been put in a container that's about to burst. How do you stop pain? How do you stop hurting? I might ask Mrs. Franklin today. _

_She has been really growing on me. She doesn't get angry when I don't talk and she doesn't run and tell my mother anything. She just sits there sometimes and reads a book, then tells me about the plot._

"Hey Will." She smiled to me. She was probably forty years old, but she looked a little young for her age. She wasn't very small, she told me once that she just 'really loved to eat'. It made me smile because of her honesty.

"Hi."

"Feel like talking today? Or I just stopped by the library, I could read you this book I thought looked interesting." She asked me, sitting down in her chair.

"I have questions."

"I might have answers." She smiled.

"How do I get it to stop hurting so badly?" I asked.

"Oh Will. Dear, here's what you need to do. Go somewhere beautiful. Stop trying to hide the memories. They won't go away if you try to. You aren't trying to forget what happened, remember that. You're just trying to overcome the pain."

"I need him." I mumbled, tears arising from the pressure of saying it outloud.

She moved from her spot and came and sat next to me, "William." She used her thumb to move some tears from my skin, "Oh Will, I know it's hard. Definitely for you. I know. You guys really had something special didn't you?"

My throat began to burn. I shook my head, "No one will ever understand the love-" I couldn't finish my sentence before I turned into a giant wreck. She held me closely, as a friend, and said that I was strong. "C-can I have some time alone?" I asked. She nodded and quietly left.

**July 27, 2012 (cont**_)_

_You're a big fat jerk and I hate you._

_I fucking hate you._

_I hate you with all my guts._

_Why did you leave me? What did I do?_

_I hate you, Sonny._

_I just want you back._

_After saying I love you, Sonny and I were inseparable. One evening alone turned into the highlight of our lives. He would tell me sweet things, then kiss me passionately for hours._

_I remember laughing underneath his hold as he stared down at me. We had been on the floor, he was holding me down to get kisses._

_"Sonny I refuse to kiss you anymore." I joked, pursing my lips together._

_"Oh, like you could go a day without one of my kisses." He said, completely full of himself._

_"I could! Get off of me! I'll prove it, I don't need you!" I laughed, knowing he would be up for this challenge. Before he even moved away, I reached up and tugged on his shirt which made him fall on top of me. _

_I rolled over so that I was sitting on his stomach. He gave me the most evil, satisfied grin. I kissed him roughly, appreciating every second that his tongue curled with mine._

_Why did he have to go?_

_**July 28, 2012**_

_I grabbed another item out of my closet. It happened to be a medium sized, purple, fluffy teddy bear. The day I got this, a carnival was in town. Sonny convinced me to go, he was so excited to actually have something to do. I couldn't say no to his excited face._

_We spent all day playing dumb games. He finally won this dumb purple bear, but said that I wasn't allowed to touch it. It was his purple bear and he worked very hard for it. I rolled my eyes and told him I didn't want his dumb bear anyways._

_That night we had been sitting on my sofa, making out. Ugh, I was so in to it, I didn't even think about my mom or dad coming in. Of course that's exactly what happened. They were so shocked, they didn't know either of us were gay. But we were in love and honestly didn't care what they said._

_"What the hell?" Was the first thing that came out of my step-dad's boiled mind._

_"Uh…" I felt so scared, but then Sonny held my hand, "Me and Sonny are together." I said so quickly, I'm surprised that it even came out._

_"Together? Like you're gay?" My mom asked, her face expression confused._

_"Yeah, it's been a while now. I love him." I spoke quietly._

_EJ asked Sonny to go home. I didn't want him to leave but he left. The moment he was gone, yelling started. _

_My dad was furious. He was raised in a small, christian town and thought that gays were an abomination. His words hit me like bricks against a glass wall but I stayed together. I remember I wasn't focused on his words at all, that's why I can't remember them. _

_I was thinking about Sonny earlier at the carnival. He looked so damn good. I still recall those jeans that made his butt look so good, that blue sweater. But, that's not what made him look good. His heart. God, his heart was beautiful_.

_Dad made me feel like complete shit, then sent me to my room. I didn't want to stay there though. I knew I was about to break down and cry but I didn't want to be alone when I did. I jumped out of my window which led to a tree, then went down it. I crossed the front yard to Sonny's and invited myself inside. His parents knew he was gay, they also knew we had a thing together._

_I walked into his room. It was like he was sitting up waiting for me because it wasn't a surprise that I came. "Come here." _

_He whispered, his arms open for me. I went straight into his arms and began to cry. He held me tightly. He said the most beautiful things that night._

_"Don't be upset over your dad. He doesn't understand what we have, no one does." He kissed me softly._

_"I'll be here for you forever."_

_"You have to stop crying, beautiful, you're going to make me die inside."_

_"Isn't there anything I can do to make you happy?" He asked_.

_I scanned the room quickly, "Give me that damn teddy bear_.

_"I smiled watching him laugh at my response. He moved from the bed and grabbed it off of his desk chair, "This, my love, is all yours."_

I clutched the stupid bear to my chest. Ugh. I hugged it like it was him, but it was nothing close. Why did he leave me? I wish I at least knew why.

_N/Update_: _Feb_/_3._ _Thanks_ _for_ _reading_


	5. Loving Each Other By The Lake

_Will's POV _

**_July 29, 2012_**

_My mom noticed the teddy bear out of the closet. She asked me why I brought it out again. I told her that I needed him, but she just gave me a sad look. Is it so bad that all I want is to have him hold me one more time? Just once?_

_Mrs. Franklin visited me at home today. She asked to come to my room. I know she was my counselor but sometimes she felt like a friend. She brought me a few books to read, saying they were her favorites_.

"Will you tell me about him, Will?"

I felt my throat close up but I stayed calm, "Uh, what do you want to know?"

"What did Sonny look like?"

I walked to my closet and pulled out a small picture frame, I didn't dare look at it though. I didn't have to turn it around to know what it was. It was a picture of him and I by the lake. I handed it to her, and sat away so that I couldn't get a glance.

"He had medium length dark hair, beautiful brown eyes and a killer smile." I took a deep breath, "But his looks were nothing compared to him. He thought of the world in such an interesting way. He loved being out in nature, loved having fun, never failed to make me laugh.

I could be so damn angry and he would just lift me up and make me feel amazing. He was so passionate, so loving. But then again, he wasn't afraid of the dark parts of the world. He was a little messed up. Depressed and broken."

"Why was he depressed?"

"He said that his mind was like a prison cell. His thoughts were constantly nagging at him, telling him that he was awful, horrible, and disgusting. But I told him he was the complete opposite."

"He must of loved you for that." She smiled, then sat the picture frame face down on my bed, "He is beautiful, you're right. You also looked really happy with him." She stood up,

"I don't want to suffocate you with questions. But, Will, I'm so proud of you. You may not realise it, but you aren't blocking out your feelings anymore."

"Yeah." I answered as she left, my eyes went to the picture frame. One peek shouldn't hurt right?

I flipped it around, my eyes going straight for his face. Regret. I shouldnt of looked. It hurt to look at him with his arm around me, his other arm extended out at the camera that he had pointed on us. I grabbed my journal, might as well write about it.

_**July 29, 2012 (Cont**__)_

_"Ugh, I love the lake! Even though it's gloomy outside, I can't wait to swim." He smiled, pulling his shirt off. I grinned at his bare chest, he had the perfect body. I practically memorised every curve and bump around each of his muscles. _

_"Wait! Before we swim! Let's take a picture!" He laughed and pulled me close to him, grabbing his phone out of his shorts pocket._

_"Smile baby, you look adorable." He said, pressing down on the center button that took the image. He kissed me after tossing his phone to the ground, "So damn adorable! But, come on! I'm excited."_

_I loved seeing him happy about stuff, we both ran towards the lake and jumped in. We swam around playing silly games but quickly got distracted by each other. In the middle of the lake he pulled me toward him, wrapping my arms around his waist. I held on to him as we kissed. I can still remember his electric tongue._

_"You mean everything to me." He said randomly, staring me in the eyes._

_"You mean everything to me too." I replied, kissing him softly._

_"No, I mean. I don't think I could live without you. I honestly think I would die."_

_"And you think I could live without you? I would go insane. I couldn't live without you holding me."_

_Isn't it ironic? Here I am, breathing without him. Trust me. If my mom hadn't been keeping me under close watch after the second attempt, I probably wouldn't be here._

_Anyways, later on in the week he surprised me. He came over with a single rose and the picture from the lake, framed. I quickly hung it up on my wall and commented on how much I loved it._

Looking down at it, I feel the strings of my heart start to pull. My thumb traced over his face and I broke down.

"Sonny." I cried to myself, "Sonny, I hate you."

I balled myself up in my bed and just stared at the image the entire night, letting the tears fall until they couldn't produce anymore.

**_August 1, 2012_**

_I decided to hang the picture back in its rightful spot. It shocked my mom when she came in my room to check up on me. _

_She gave me an awkward stare but ignored it. The image still makes me cry, I don't know what I would do if I looked through the pictures on my phone. That's why even my phone is hidden and off in my dresser drawers._

_Mrs. Franklin and I actually talk now. Not always about Sonny, but sometimes we just have simple conversations. _

_They make me feel a little better about life. Mom drove a new way to her office though, and I didn't like it one bit._

_Lately at night, I've been feeling like I can breathe a little better. I feel like he's next to me sometimes. Maybe I'm just insane. But, it feels so good._

_I miss him laying next to me. Just the simple things. I just miss him being next to me. That's all I want right now. Can't I have this one thing? Please_?

I just want his goddamn body on mine. I want his hands touching my body. I want it all.

Is it possible to go one day without crying over him?

**_August 2, 2012_**

_I had a breakdown today. A bigger one than usual. I guess I just couldn't handle the pressure. I ran into my room and tore apart everything I could, without going to the closet. I ripped my blankets off of the bed, tore my curtains from the window, and slung my desk over. _

_I grabbed the picture of Sonny and I off of the wall and slammed it down against my floor._

_ I cried over what I had done. I broke something he gave me, and that was going to kill me. I fell to the ground and stared blankly at the glass before I picked up a small piece and brought it to my wrist. _

_There were still scars from when I had done this before, so I just went over them with the glass. I felt relieved until I looked up to see my moms terrified face._

_She helped me clean up, then she put my room back together. She placed the image of Sonny and I on my nightstand_.

_She barely spoke a word to me. I love being a disappointment._

_This story will have a happy ending but this story be 12 or less chapter's. So stay tuned its going to get better. _

**_Next Update: Feb/4. Thanks for following_**


	6. Letter To My True Love

_Will's POV _

**_August 5, 2012_**

_My mom finally had the guts to leave me home alone. She said she would be back in thirty minutes though. I laid in my bed and began to think of the things that had happened here._

_Mrs. Franklin , I swear to god you better not read this._

_If you do, You might be a little disturbed._

_I remember it was a day like today. My mom had gone to work, my dad had gone to his friends house and I invited Sonny over. He came right over, straight to my room._

_"Hey baby." He smiled, coming close to me and giving me a sweet kiss. "How are you today?"_

_He brightened my day, "I'm good. How are you? Have you been feeling okay?" I asked, knowing the answer was no. But he would lie to me_.

_"Oh, great. Actually, I'm wonderful now that I get to be with you. You look damn fine today, sexy." He smirked, crawling on top of me. He kissed me roughly but with sweet, sweet passion. _

_I smiled as he began to kiss my neck. His kisses felt so good, every fiber of my body was pleasured. The next thing I knew, our shirts came off right before our pants._

_Love filled the room, I know that's cheesy. But, I felt so at one with him. His eyes pierced into my heart as he slowly entered me. "I'll be careful." He whispered more than a million times, making sure that I trust him. _

_I let him know later that he was absolutely silly, I loved him, I wasn't worried. I remember the intimacy, we weren't just having sex because we felt like we were horny. _

_We were having sex because we wanted to be as close as we could with one another. But later we had sex just because we were horny._

_He was so gentle, he made me think that I was going to break. Sonny made me feel like I was on top of the world. I remember after he had made me moan and make sounds I didn't know were possible, he held me so closely_.

_Our bare bodies just nestled next to each other, I felt so peaceful._

_"I love you." He whispered to me_

_"I love you too."_

_"I know that I have issues, Will, but I swear you make almost all of them go away."_

_I can't write anymore._

**_August 6, 2012_**

_Mrs. Franklin told me that I have a close relationship with this journal. I guess I do. I think It's because when I write in it, he's here_.

"So, Will. Have you tried writing about the day Sonny left?" She asked me in her sweetest voice. I know she wasn't trying to upset me, but, I felt frozen.

"Um. No. I can't. Not yet."

"You know it's not your fault-"

"Stop." I snapped, "Don't. Can we just read today?"

Her face softened, "Sorry. Of course. But Will, write a letter. In your journal. Write a letter to him."

"What's the point?"

"Might make you feel better."

_**August 6, 2012 (Cont**_)

_She wants me to talk about him leaving but I can't. I just can't. A letter seems do-able. Even though it's for my eyes only. I guess, I could give it a shot._

**_Dear Sonny,_**

**_Dammit, Sonny. You are so damn aggravating, I hate it. You make me want to scream, shout and jump like a four year old throwing a tantrum. I guess that's what makes me love you so much. _**

**_I remember you told me that our love was fate. What happened to that? I know what happened, I guess. I just. I want you know that...It's hard living without you. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. _**

**_When you first left, I went insane. I didn't leave my room for almost a month until my mom started to watch me like a hawk. _**

**_But, I don't want this to be about me. You said that feeling sad was a good thing, because that's how you know something is real. God damn, did this have to be real?_**

_**Sometimes I feel like you're this giant nightmare that I will wake up from and continue with my life. Counseling was supposed to help me get over you, but, I think it's impossible. Why are you so impossible**__?_

**_Couldn't I have a kiss before you left? A hug or a good bye? An explanation? Couldn't you have said "I love you"?_**

**_Because I do. I love you so much. You're going to make me tear my hair out, going to make me feel horrible._**

**_When you were with me, it was an indescribable feeling. I was Will. I was me. I was so complete. Now I feel like I'm choking and running out of air._**

**_Sometimes I wish I never met you._**

**_Then other times, I want to die for even thinking that_**.

**_August 7, 2012_**

_Lately I've been feeling numb. Like somehow it can't get any worse._

**_August 8, 2012_**

_I went into my closet and found something interesting. It was a necklace that had his favorite ring around the end of it. He said that he had found the ring when he was little. It was a man's engagement ring. _

_He said that he found it while playing at the park and it intrigued him so much that he had to keep it._

_"I feel like they had a love something like ours. I know, silly to think about their love. But, sometimes I just feel like I know these things. But, I think their passion had to be real. Inside, it's engraved 'true'. And that's what we are. True love, right? _

_One day, when we get married we will have the same things engraved in our rings. We will be true too. But, for now, will you wear this around your neck? I want it on you."_

_I remember feeling so lovely. I blushed and nodded, "Do you think he misses the ring_?"

_"Nope. He has his love. He doesn't need the silly ring. Besides, I'm sure their wedding ring is even better."_

_"What if they broke up? And thats why he got rid of the ring?"_

_"If they broke up I'd be kind of sad. Because then they lied to me. They wouldn't be true then." He places the necklace around my neck and smiled, "But who cares about these fictional people? I have you."_

_"You're so weird, creating a love story for someone you never met."_

_"But, I feel like I met them." He smiled._

_If we were as true as he said then, why? WHY? Why'd he leave me?_

_**Next**__**Update: Feb/**__5. __**Thanks**__**for**__**reading**_


	7. The Photo Booth

_Will's POV_

"How are you feeling today?" Mrs. Franklin asks me the moment I step into her office. I look around at the creative room and finally sit.

"I feel wonderful." I said dully, knowing she would give me a glare. "I feel angry."

"Angry over what?"

"Take your guess." I replied. "I just really hate him sometimes! You know? I just do. Like, after everything he said to me, every moment we shared and he just goes without saying why."

"I know, Will."

My face fell sad. I wanted to know why he left but at the same time I didn't. I was scared to find out why, that's why I haven't tried. I could know if I wanted to.

"Will, have you tried making friends? I know, you might be turned off to the idea but tomorrow night I have a group session.

All teenagers, they like getting together and talking about losing people. Some kids had a parent walk out or die, then others just had someone important leave." She smiled, "Please join us. I think you would like it.

You don't have to even speak."

I thought about it, Mrs. Franklin hadn't done me wrong so far. "Sure."

_August 10, 2012_

_I've been pacing around my room for the past hour trying to control my feelings. I don't know how I feel about this. I have this secret that I'm afraid to open. Oh, and I have to go to that dumb group session tonight. Yay me_.

The kids around the circle of chairs all looked like me, a mess. I could tell they were all hurting and it actually felt nice to know you weren't the only one feeling so bad.

Mrs. Franklin started off the night by asking everyone how they were doing. She then proceeded to smile when she saw me sitting in the chair across from her.

"Everyone, we have someone new with us tonight. He's amazing, This is Will." She grinned in my direction and a few people said hi.

"So, how's everyone making progress?" She asked, staring now at a boy maybe a year younger than me. His dark brown hair fell carelessly over his eyes, "Okay I guess." He spoke, "I mean, if you want to count shitty as being okay."

I smiled at what he said, it reminded me so much of Sonny.

_August 10, 2012 (Cont)_

_Okay, so the group thing wasn't horrible. I kind of liked hearing sob stories other than my own. These people have gone through some mess too. _

_One girl had both parents leave her because they thought she was a horrible child. Now she's in foster care and feels like no one will ever want her again. She's only 13!_

_Then there's this boy who proceeded to make me smile throughout the night. If Darren had a little brother, it would be him. _

_He had to be 15 or 16. He spoke freely about his problems, but he didn't say exactly what they were. I guess it was just nice hearing that you weren't the only one with a fucked up life._

_Another boy talked about his grandma dying, he said that she was the most important person in his life. I felt bad when he started to cry._

_ Mrs. Franklin tried to get me to talk but I passed up the offer_.

_August 13, 2012_

_Sonny sometimes my head hurts thinking about you. I hope you know that. I want to know why you left so badly but I'm afraid to find out. I feel like once I know I won't have anything left. I don't think I can handle reading what you left me._

_August 14, 2012_

_I grabbed another memory of him today. It was a photobooth picture from the mall. I remember this day so clearly. I think I remember everyday like it was yesterday._

_You wanted to go to the mall to buy clothes. You loved shopping- Why am I writing this like I'm talking to you, Sonny?_

_He wanted to go to the mall, he loved to shop. It was so silly, he wanted to try on everything. One time he put on the preppiest clothes he could find and I died laughing for almost an hour. _

_That just didn't fit him. We went to the food court afterwards and shared some chinese food. Honestly, Sonny and I could eat chinese food for an eternity. Delicious_.

I_ never touch it anymore._

_But anyways, with full stomach's he pushed me into the photo booth machine and kissed me. _

_He didn't even care about the pictures, he just wanted to make out. It was so hot though, being pushed in there and having him hold me down. The kisses were to die for._

_He stared at me, "Sorry, I just couldn't help myself. I've been wanting to do that all day."_

_"Don't apologize," I ran my hand through his hair, "Baby, can we go to a hotel or something?"_

_He smirked, "You're so hot." He laughed and stared at the camera in front of us, "Let's take a picture first." He pulled me on to his laugh, at first we both smiled at the camera but the four other pictures we were caught kissing._

**I stared down at the pictures, I didn't even cry. I just looked at how beautiful he was. He was so breathtaking. I know he never failed to take my breath away. **

**I love him so much. I just wonder if I'm ever going to feel better. I feel like I will be sunk in this depression for as long as I live.**

**Sorry for the wait. Next Update: Soon**


	8. Those Stupid Fights

_**Sorry for the long wait but here's the next chapter**_

_August 15, 2012_

_We fell to the hotel bed with laughter escaping our mouths. Just the moment itself made me smile. Every inch of my body was kissed or touched by him, he was taking the longest time making sure that he did so. _

_Each kiss felt like a lightening bolt electrocuting my heart. He made me feel so alive. Our bodies tangled with each other in a bare mess._

_"If I only had a day left, this is exactly what I would spend it doing." He remarked, kissing the center of my chest and sending a pearly smile up at me._

_"Good, because I enjoy this." I grinned, running my hand through his black hair._

_He kissed down the center of my chest until he came to my dick. (Mrs. Franklin I really hope you don't change your mind about reading this.) I recall the sensation of his mouth wrapping around me, starting the fun of that evening. _

_It was so much more than just fun though, I didn't realise it at the time. But, it was one of my favorite days._

_I really wish I could share just one evening like this with him again. I need to stop wishing, Sonny would call me dumb. He would tell me I was being silly, then he would say, "But that's okay, I don't want you any different."_

_"_Hey Will !" Mrs. Franklin said, coming into her office. I was a little early, that's why I had been writing. "Oh, See your journal. What're you writing about, if you don't mind?"

"Sex." I answered honestly.

"Oh gosh." She giggled, blushing a little. She sat down in her chair, "Anything else?"

"Uh, not today. I just can't stop thinking about being so close with him, you know? It was amazing. I mean, not just the sex, but that was great. But being with him."

"I understand." She smiled, "Did you like the group session?"

"Yeah, it was kind of nice not having to be alone. I guess feeling like there are others going through the same pain is really helpful."

"Well, you can join tomorrow if you wish." She suggested before starting to ask me random questions. Mrs. Franklin and I had a pretty cool relationship, even though she was paid to talk to me, I felt like I could tell her almost anything.

Almost.

"I might."

_August 15, 2012 (Cont)_

_I began to think about our fights. They were always over the dumbest things._

_"You don't care! Stop fucking acting like it." I remember yelling to him._

_He grabbed my arm and held me against the back of his door, "Don't say that, Will! What the fuck is wrong with you sometimes?"_

_"Why should I even bother explaining that to you? You'll just take it to heart and become fucking depressed about it." I spat, hitting the trigger with depression._

_"Why are you acting like this?"_

_"You just piss me off sometimes, Sonny! God! A few minutes ago you wouldn't even look at me because you had some random depression fit! God, can't you get over it already? _

_Do I not make you happy?" I yelled, "What the fuck do I have to do to make you happy?"_

_His face remained blank, "Will you make me the happiest guy-"_

_"Don't lie to me! I swear, stop fucking lying to me!" I pulled myself out of his grip, "I try to be everything to you, yet you sit there and remain in this depressed state of mind. Why?"_

_"I can't help it, Will." He sat down on his bed, "What do you want me to say? I'm sorry that my thoughts are constantly being attacked. I'm sorry I can't be like you? What do you want? _

_What's going to make you stop yelling at me? Do you want me to apologize for being fucked up? I will." He looked so hurt. I remember feeling like the biggest asshole in the world, I began to cry._

_I went over to him and held on to him, "I didn't mean it. I swear. Sonny, I'm sorry."_

_"I understand." He whispered._

_"No, you don't." I moved his face so that he was looking in to my eyes, "Sonny forget all of the things I said, okay? I don't know what I was thinking. I love everything about you. _

_Even if you are a little sad, I swear I will stick by you forever. I love you, okay?"_

_He kissed me, but I could tell he was upset, "I love you too_."

_I stared down at the page. I hated that day. Seeing him hurt by me was honestly one of the shittiest feelings I had ever experienced until now_.

I_ made it up to him that night, I made us go to the movies then afterwards we went to his favorite restaurant. I apologized more times than I could count and didn't leave his room for three days. I wanted him to know how sorry I was for yelling._

_I stared at my wall. I wish he was there, I would embrace him in the tightest hug imagined._

_August 16, 2012_

_I woke up feeling like shit. I'm not going to that group thing tonight. I just want to curl up in my blankets and cry._

_Fuck feeling like this! Why do I have to be alive right now? What's the fucking point? If I'm gone my mom would have my dad back, I'm sure she would love that. Then she wouldn't even have to waste money or energy on me._

_Why did she have to find me when I tried to kill myself before? Why couldn't she just let it happen?_

_When I first tried, it was the first time I smiled in the longest time, then she went and ruined it._

_Fuck today._

_August_ _17_, _2012_

_Mrs. Franklin called since I didn't go to the group session. She wanted to make sure I was doing alright, I told her no._

_August 18, 2012_

_I should just go in my closet and grab it._

_Why can't I do that?_

_Why can't I just grab what he left me?_

_It clearly has my name written along the top and I can't even open it!_

_I'm just a coward._

_**Thanks for reading. Next Update : Mar/30**_


	9. Nobody Care's

**_Will's POV _**

_August 19, 2012_

_Lately I have been thinking about the moments leading up to when he left me. There were no actual signs of him leaving. _

_A week before he took me out to a concert. It was awful! We loved it though. Not only did the band completely suck but halfway through, the sky downpoured an entire ocean's worth of rain. _

_Maybe not that much, but it sure felt like it. We went to his car, completely soaked. _

_He turned the heaters on and pushed me into the backseat where he stripped me down. _

_I remember the chills running through my spine with every neck kiss he gave._

_"That date was probably the worst." He laughed, running his hand up my body._

_I remember smiling at the thought, "You're right, that was fucking awful._

_"We both laughed for the longest time, wondering if it would get any better. We heard thunder start to crash around us which instantly made me jump._

_He held my body close and tight to his, "You know, I just wish it would be sunny around here for once."_

_"I know, Darren. You hate this weather." I grinned, turning in his arms to face him, "Baby, we have to go somewhere sunny together."_

_"We do, somewhere beautiful." He ran his hand up my side then kissed me passionately, "If you weren't here, this town would have no meaning to me."_

_I can still feel the electricity of the moment where we made love during the thunderstorm. _

_I just wonder if he ever thought about my feelings when he left. I'm sure his answer is in what he left me. I just… _

_This entire time I haven't been able to bring myself to actually opening it. I feel like the moment I do, I have nothing left. I'm afraid to know why._

_August 20, 2012_

_Mrs. Gannon said that my improvements have been absent lately. She asked why I don't talk as much anymore. Sorry Mrs. Gannon, I just don't know what's left to say. _

_She asked me to write a story today, I thought it was a weird subject. She said for me to write about everything I hate about Darren. _

_She wants me to be able to release my feelings. So, here goes nothing I guess._

_I hate when Sonny cries._

_I hate when ever I looked at his face and he looked like a strung out drug addict because his depression was taking over him._

_I hate that even though his eyes looked piercing to me, they were actually dull._

_I hate when he called me William._

_I hated when he would wake me up at 3 in the morning._

_I hate when-_

_I can't write about my hate for him. I can't. Sorry, Mrs. Gannon._

_Sonny only cried whenever I hurt him._

_He only looked depressed for a moment until he would wipe away all feelings to make me feel like the most special guy alive._

_His eyes were dull only to those who didn't see the beauty behind them._

_He only called me William when he was being serious or loving towards me._

_He would wake me up at 3 in the morning to give me a kiss, to say that, even though we are right next door he still missed me._

_How could I hate a boy who did all of these things? Well, I can now. But barely. The only thing I could possibly hate him for is leaving_

_I find myself missing the smallest things. Lately, it's been his phone calls. The things I would do to receive one now. _

_He would call me later at night just to talk to me. I always thought it was to get his mind off of being alone. He would ask silly little questions._

_"Where do you think has the world's best food? I'm so hungry."_

_"Can we go to a beach together? I would love that."_

_"Why do you think we're all here?"_

_ "Isn't the world weird?"_

_"Baby, what are you wearing?"_

_He made me blush whenever he talked dirty to me over the phone. I always felt like someone could hear. _

_But it was always exciting because I never knew what he was going to tell me to do. I miss his dominance._

_I miss everything._

_August 21, 2012_

_I can't even listen to music anymore. It's like every love song is mocking me. When can I finally go back to normal? Am I always going to be reminded?_

_It's like every song I own has some connection to him. _

_Whether the lyrics remind me of his personality, or if we listened to the song together. The second one was always worse. _

_Music was a big trigger, I could always see his face singing along to the words. He had a shitty singing voice. I loved it. _

_It always made me laugh when Sonny and I sang silly songs together because I knew how awful it sounded but we didn't even care._

_August 22, 2012_

_Mrs. Franklin talked to me again today. She asked me how I was doing. I asked if she would stop asking that question and just get to the point. _

_So, she did. This is how our conversation went._

_"Okay, Will. If you're tired of me beating around the bush, do you still want to kill yourself?"_

_I was shocked she actually said it. All the other counselor's didn't have the nerve to, they thought it would be a trigger. _

_As weird as it was to hear her saw it I knew what my answer was but I also knew she didn't want to hear it. I've learned it's much easier to just say what they want you to._

_"No."_

_"See, now you're lying." She shook her head, "Will, don't you know people care for you?"_

_"Like who?"_

_She smiled, "Your mother?"_

_"She hates me for scaring off my dad."_

_"Do you want to talk about that?" She asked, understanding it was the first time I mentioned it._

_"Uh sure. He left because I was a 'depressed little shit that no one should have to deal with.' He didn't want to have to watch his mouth around me incase he said something mean that made me go off and kill myself." _

_I said with a blank face, "My mom was so angry when he left, but she too, didn't want to blame me for it. She's afraid she will look like a bad mom."_

_"Is she a bad mom?"_

_ "Of course she is."_

_"Why?"_

_"If she cared I wouldn't be in counseling. If she actually cared about what happened she wouldn't look at me with disgust every time I turn my back. _

_If she cared about me, she wouldn't talk so loudly to her friends on the phone about how she 'had to drop her social life to take care of some lifeless kid'. _

_So, yeah. I don't think she's a good mom."_

_Her face fell, I could tell she pitied me. She knew there was no one besides Sonny that every actually cared for me. "I care about you though, Will."_

_I laughed lightly, "You care for fifty dollars an hour." I sighed, "You care because my mom pays you to."_

_"I would still care."_

_"No you wouldn't. " I stared at her, "If my mom didn't pay you at first you wouldn't of gave me the time of day."_

_She had nothing to say after that. I know Mrs. Franklin meant well but for some reason I couldn't help but lash out on her. What I said was true though, she wouldn't of stayed if my mom stopped paying._

_Which makes complete sense. She is just my counselor._

_Why did he have to leave me in this mess?_

**_Next Chapter: 03/31_**


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